Everything Changes
by Mr. Pooch
Summary: The flashes start, and he's seeing himself as a child. Desmond fic, Gen.


The flashes start…and he's seeing himself as a child

The flashes start…and he's seeing himself as a child.

It's Christmas, and both his parents are still there. His mother is pregnant with the second- oldest, James. His father is still there. And, so is he, only now he's in himself as a five year. And he remembers this Christmas. The present being handed to him- in shiny red wrapping paper and square and thick. He knows what's in it. David Copperfield. Should be required reading for every child, as his father laughed.

He knows this already. And he smiles at his father. He knows what happens next, but maybe, if he can be different. Maybe he can trick Fate.

But the day continues as it did many years ago, and the ending is the same. His mother is tucking him in, kissing him good night. Letting him feel James kicking. In the doorway, his father is standing, illuminated by the glow of the lights from the hallway. Desmond tries to get his father to stay, to tell him about David Copperfield, but his father leaves the house anyway.

It's the night his father meets the beautiful woman who will ruin everything, who causes earthquakes and disasters. And he is awake, and his mother is asleep.

Everything is the same.

Another flash and…

He is twelve and everything is the same.

They are at Butlins and he is swimming when he hears his second brother, David, call for him. It is David's birthday and the cake is going to be handed out. Desmond gets out of the pool and towels himself off. They have a table set up and the presents are out. Desmond alreadly knows what the square present in the red wrapping is, and where it will end up. In his room, on his book shelf.

His father's pride. Introducing his sons to Dickens, to other great British artists. Only Desmond ever kept up the habit. The others were too young.

It's A Christmas Carol, this time. Completely unfitting to the situation, to the child, and to the family. Still, his mother makes a fuss over it, telling David how much he will like it, telling him what a great story it is. David looks doubtful, frightened even of these hundred pages. He says he will read it, later.

He gives it to Desmond, who tries to talk to his father about this one, about David Coppefield, about A Tale of Two Cities. His father turns the conversation to that about football, the army, the stage. How Desmond will be when he gets older, how David will be, what their jobs should be.

There's no room for moral conversations in this family, even with a large collection of a great moralist's works.

Everything is the same.

A last flash, because he is starting to hear people's voices he remembers- Hurley, Charlie, Claire- but this one, this one he wants to see.

He is nineteen. Everything is different.

His three brothers are asleep. It's Christmas Eve. He and his mother are downstairs, wrapping presents, giving them names. An equal number for each of them, half from Santa, half from people who actually exist. They talk into the night, laughing and smiling, listening to carols and hymns on the radio. His mother sings along, her favorite being "Have a Merry Little Christmas". And it's the happiest he's seen her since Easter, when his father finally left.

After they've wrapped the presents, she brings out hot chocolate like he is still twelve. And she tells him how proud she is of him. She kisses him on the cheek, then hands him one early present.

The wrapping is blue and stamped with snowmen, traditional Christmas. The present inside is solid and familiar, the card attached- "To Des; with love and gratitude, Ma"- new and unfamiliar. Inside is the last book in his collection, the final missing piece- Our Mutual Friend.

He smiles and gives her a kiss.

Desmond wakes up on the beach, the feeling of the kiss, and memories of her voice. And he feels more homesick now than he's felt in two and a half years. Around him, Claire, Charlie, Jin, and Hurley look at him with confusion and concern.

The flashes, the skips and jumps, didn't change anything. He probably won't be able to save Charlie.

But, Desmond realizes, he is tired of being beat at this game by Fate, by destiny, or whatever it is called. He may not be able to save Charlie, but he is going to try.

He disagrees with the theorists, with everyone- even with Dickens- there must be a way to beat Fate. To save Charlie, to return home to Penny, to see his family again.

He stands up and the relief felt around him makes him smile; makes him hope.

Everything can change.


End file.
